Monday, December 8, 2008


My name is Phineas Bounderby. I'm from the Kingdom of Ozymandias, and I'm visiting the states to do research into a common species known as wingnutus crackpotus (the Common Wingnut), and am occasionally turning my attention to its closely related cousin the wingnutus dingbatus.

Many of my colleagues doubt the usefulness of this research, as the Common Wingnut seems to have lost a great deal of territory in the past few years. But one thing I've discovered about the wingnut is that it's highly resilient and energetic. In 2006 I witnessed a flock of wingnuts dive headlong into an active volcano. It was only a minor setback for the wingnut population as a whole though. Within a few weeks the population had grown to its full strength, and was screeching, yammering, and gibbering away as if the catastrophe had never occured.

I hope you'll find my research not only useful, but fun. Because Wingnuts are hilarious animals, and their antics keep me amused for many hours. While I wouldn't exactly describe them as intelligent, they can be surprisingly clever and resourceful, and they are always fun to watch if one approaches the research in the correct spirit.

I hope these short articles will give you insight into the antics of the wingnut. While the life of the wingnut may often seem to revolve around pointless activity alternating between the repetitive and the erratic, there are quite a few patterns which recur, and observing wingnuts can be educational both for the professional researcher and for the layperson.


Steve said...

Phineas; Cute site, and good luck with it - I tracked you from Crackhead OBummer's post - I'm sure you'd classify me right in there with the rest of the "Wingnuts", tho I'd dispute it - anywhom, here's hoping you get a million readers -

Missourimule -

Phineas Bounderby said...

Why thank you, Steve. Despite the somewhat sharp nature of my banter, you'll find that I don't take politics personally. I grew up in an area where the Right dominated the culture, and continue to have many close friends whom I attack with no mercy in the political arena.

ProblemWithCaring said...

Good luck. I looked forward to reading. Be careful. Wingnuts are majestic & mysterious creatures but dangerous as day your cataloging the mating habits of so-called ''fuckin rednecks,'' the next your moving to Australia lest you have to share nationalities with one. Slippery slope

Phineas Bounderby said...


I always exercise caution when approaching wingnuts. I carry a supply of tinfoil hats, and if a wingnut approaches me aggressively I toss it one of the hats and shout "Quick! The Trilateral Commission is monitoring your brainwaves!" and in its panic to don the hat I make my escape.