Wingnuts in the Wild

Bounderby for President

2011-03-04T03:50:00.000-08:00

In order to get the jump on Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin, Lyndon LaRouche, and other assorted crackpot candidates, I, Phineas Bounderby do hereby, forthwith, and ipso facto declare my intention to run for the office of President of the United States of America.

Here is my preliminary campaign platform:

1) Cricket shall be made the national sport.

2) Pinot Noir shall be re-named "Freedom Noir", and distributed in vending machines.

3) Glenn Beck will be allowed to continue on the air, but must wear a red rubber nose and huge floppy shoes to properly identify his real profession in an accurate manner.

4) The southern half of New Brunswick and the western portion of Nova Scotia as far east as Truro shall be annexed to the US in order to insure a steady supply of Stanfield underwear.

5) Fish Boy shall be appointed Secretary of the Navy..

6) All recitations of the Pledge of Allegiance shall be accompanied by the participants waving around a baggie containing their birth certificate.

7) We shall return to a strict interpretation of the original Constitution, rendering Sarah Palin not only ineligible to hold office, but ineligible to vote.

I thank you all for your vote. Since I will be seeking the endorsement of the Tea Parties, I would appreciate it if anyone having the Koch brother's phone numbers would contact me.

Phineas Bounderby,

Candidate for President

The New Improved Even Kinkier GOP

2010-04-13T05:45:00.000-07:00

I don't really know why the GOP is going through convolutions about the revelations that young prospective donors were taken to a lesbian themed bondage club on the RNC tab. Up until this point the image of GOP sexuality was exemplified by a creepy senator hiring prostitutes to dress him in diapers. The bondage club escapade was a considerable improvement over the usual Profumo Affair type activities favored by right wing male politicians.

Consequently my suggestion to the Republican Party is that they embrace the newer, more youthful form of kinkiness this exemplifies, and I've compiled a potential list of theme songs for the GOP which allow them to both hold to tradition and reach out to the young whips and restraints crowd.

My first choice would be the Deadwood Stage (Whip Crack Away) song by Doris Day.

Then for an even more masculine cowboy themed number (it even has Clint Eastwood!!!) there is the Rawhide theme song

Finally, for the right wing evangelicals here's an old favorite which needs no explanation beyond the title

Officially Registered Tea Party in Florida

2009-11-09T11:33:00.000-08:00

It's plain to see that the wingnuts are learning an important lesson from the recent special election in NY-23. That lesson is that it's better to be consistently crazy than to win elections. In keeping with this epiphany some random wackaloon in Florida has registered a Tea Party with the Secretary of State.

From my perspective this is most excellent, and I'd like to encourage other teabaggers to set up parallel organizations in all fifty states.

Fun with wingnuttery: Politico Comments

2009-05-29T05:31:00.000-07:00

The personal profiles on the website Politico.com seem to be intended to evoke the behavior of a social site like Facebook or MySpace. There is a mechanism for "friending" other participants, and for blogging and leaving comments.

This feature does not seem to be widely used, but recently a few comments have been appearing on my profile page, and two of them in particular caught my attention.

One was from someone who identified him-or-herself as "Phineas Blog site" which leads me to believe the post was in reference to Wingnuts in the Wild. The post is as follows:

"I wish I would have run into you at a teaparty, I would have smashed your camera."

A charming testament to the sentiments of the teabaggers, and reinforcement for my primary rule when I'm threatened outside the bounds of normal political discourse -- "Always press charges". By that I only mean real world threats, to myself or my equipment. The wingnut in question can bluster away on these internet forums.

The second, posted with no name or nym, merely stated:

"You're a sick man, everytime you post your hatred of whites and God is evident. You should be made to sit and watch the 700 hundred club reruns you might learn something."

This one is particularly interesting, since I've never posted anything I'm aware of which was particularly directed at white people in general (after all, I'm white myself). I have pointed out that the GOP and the Teabaggers are overwhelmingly white organizations, which is not a winner on the national political stage given the increasing diversity of the US. And as for hating God, I've only periodically mentioned religion, I'm a churchgoer myself (although right wing evangelical Christians might not accept my credentials, since I'm not a right wing evangelical).

All in all I'm very happy to be getting comments, both the positive ones and the weird stuff (I've yet to get any well measured criticism, which I would also welcome).

Some photos from the Atlanta Teabagger's gathering

2009-04-15T18:13:00.000-07:00

I'll write more about the Atlanta Teabagger's gathering later. I actually concentrated on photographing signs and crowd scenes, so my focus was away from the speaker's platform and on the crowds. As I'd guessed it was reasonably large, given Fox News's role in organizing the event (Hannity covered the Atlanta teabagging).

I'm not good at crowd estimates, but I'd say more than two thousand.

I took a bit over a hundred photos, and will put all of them in a publicly accessible location sometime over the next couple of days (I'm exhausted at the moment, which accounts for the lack of literary flourish and wit in the post).

Arizona State University and School of Vending Machine Maintenance Decides US Presidency is no big accomplishment

2009-04-10T10:15:00.000-07:00

Arizona State University and School of Vending Machine Maintenance has become such a laughingstock over the past day that I don't have a whole lot to add to the issue. Here's the ensuing hilarity from MSNBC.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Ross Douthat on the GOP Budget

2009-04-02T15:31:00.000-07:00

I rather hate it when my political adversaries exhibit some sense of living in the present political reality of the United States. It's so much more satisfying to listen to Zach Wamp, Saxby Chambliss, Sonny Perdue, Jeff Sessions and Chip Saltsman and imagine that the GOP is really best represented by Ernest T. Bass with better grooming.

But I have to admit that Ross Douthat really spends some time thinking about why the GOP is in such a deep hole at this point, and what they might do to get out of it.

Here's his brief article in the Atlantic Monthly about the recently released GOP budget proposal.

Fox News gone Wild!!!!

2009-03-15T10:06:00.000-07:00

Fox News has been using the very serious news story of drug related violence in Mexico to run its evidently substantial video storage room footage of bikini clad dancers. TV news is largely entertainment rather than information anyhow, so this isn't very surprising. But the sheer length of the footage, combined with the dearth of footage directly related to the heart of the story makes me wonder if Fox is scrapping hard news altogether, and going to a more Benny Hill sort of format.

A Video from FactCheck.org

2009-03-15T08:06:00.000-07:00

Every week or so I drop by the wonderful site FactCheck.org It often contains antidotes from the spin and hyperbole not only from the Right Wing Noise Machine, but from my end of the political spectrum as well. Here's the last in the weekly video series FactCheck ran in 2008.

Jon Stewart versus the Santelli rant

2009-03-10T14:12:00.000-07:00

Jon Stewart responds to the vicious and idiotic Rick Santelli rant by taking on CNBC in one of the most hilarious spots ever to hit the Daily Show.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

CNBC Gives Financial Advice

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New Ad about Rush's leadership of the GOP

2009-03-09T03:26:00.000-07:00

Here's a new ad reinforcing the point that Rush Limbaugh has effectively filled the leadership void in the GOP

Birthers get ridiculed by court

2009-03-06T13:20:00.000-08:00

Another filing by the so-called "Birthers", those wingnuts trying to prove that Obama isn't constitutionally eligible to serve has been thrown out by an exasperated judge.

This particular judge has ordered the plaintiff's attorney to argue why he shouldn't have to pay Obama's attorney for the time he had to spend arguing the case.

"This case, if it were allowed to proceed, would deserve mention in one of those books that seek to prove that the law is foolish or that America has too many lawyers with not enough to do," U.S. District Judge James Robertson said in his written opinion.

The GOP spokesperson on Health Care policy

2009-03-06T08:59:00.000-08:00

Since the White House has successfully granted Rush Limbaugh the ownership of the GOP, I thought it might be interesting to see if other unappealing characters can be granted dominance of other aspects of Republican political life. This snarling, ranting, angry southern white male congressman from Tennessee, with the wonderful name "Zach Wamp" is an excellent choice for GOP spokesman on health policy issues. And he's quick to randomly spew immigrant bashing too.

Rush Limbaugh owns the GOP

2009-03-04T04:46:00.000-08:00

It's official now. Rush Limbaugh is the undisputed owner of the GOP. There had been pretty compelling evidence that he was consolidating his grip on the Republican Party for quite some time. But until recently he had only exercised his discipline over funny non-entities like Phil Gingrey and Mark Sanford.

Now he's made an example of the top reaches of the GOP by forcing Michael Steele to make a humiliating public apology.

Wonkette had the funniest headline, Rush Limbaugh has Balls of Steele, but the DCCC came up with their own funny slant. It's a utility for generating apologies to Limbaugh called I'm Sorry Rush.

Whatever the long term implications of an entertainer owning one of the two major electoral parties, it's certainly a unique and interesting development, and it'll be fascinating to see how a party totally revolving around an AM radio talk show host does in the electoral arena.

Wingnuttian National Anthem

2008-12-13T08:15:00.000-08:00

Since the We the People foundation has declared the U.S. in serious constitutional crisis, and has broached the subject of calling a Constitutional Convention, I've put some thought into what a nation conceived and run by wingnuts might look like. First, I do think Wingnuttia would be a grand name for the country. Sort of an in-your-face assertion that this is a nation Of the Wingnuts, By the Wingnuts, For the Wingnuts.

But the most inspired thing I've devised is the three verses and chorus for the Wingnut National Anthem. I'll have it finished by the time they hold their Constitutional Convention, and I'll send it to them on parchment:

Hail Wingnuttia

tune: Far Above Cayuga's Waters (from an earlier tune Annie Lisle by H.S. Thompson)

Far beyond the hazy line
That marks insanity
Stand the brave and noble wingnuts
Yearning to run free:

Chorus:

Hail Wingnuttia
Hail Wingnuttia
Belfries Full of Bats
Always loudly, ever proudly
Don our tinfoil hats

We are ever on the lookout
For conspiracy
Seek the greatest and the latest
Raving lunacy

Chorus:

Hail Wingnuttia
Hail Wingnuttia
Belfries Full of Bats
Always loudly, ever proudly
Don our tinfoil hats

All the normal folks around us
Think that we're unhinged
But we'll always fight the cause of
living on the fringe

Chorus:

Hail Wingnuttia
Hail Wingnuttia
Belfries Full of Bats
Always loudly, ever proudly
Don our tinfoil hats

The World Nut Daily is my favorite website

2008-12-11T13:20:00.000-08:00

One can prove that the internet is becoming sentient by the simple act of doing a google search on either of two phrases: "World Nut Daily" or "wingnut daily". Both searches yield "World Net Daily" as their top search result, proving that the web knows its nuts.

The World Net Daily is pure comedy gold. While most of the wingnuts who could muster enough coherence to type complete sentences are fleeing from the wacko birth certificate crowd, the World Net Daily keeps the faith, and the articles on Obama's alleged lack of eligibility continue to dominate WND's homepage index. Even Redstate.com has steered its crew of commenters away from this Gong Show of a crusade, a sure sign that one has wandered too far out into the wilderness of complete lunacy.

One of the funniest articles of all time in wingnut daily's rich motherlode of hilarity is a multipart series claiming that the estrogens in soy products will make you gay. In fact this assertion isn't even buried deep in the recesses of an article with a more sane sounding title. The articles lead off with the title:

Soy is making kids 'gay'

Click on the link and read it for yourself. You won't be disappointed. And browse the other articles. It's impossible for me to imagine the editorial crew of this brilliant site without visualling them with red rubber noses wacking themselves on the head with huge mallets. Seriously it's that zany.

The Obama Birth Certificate Issue

2008-12-09T16:17:00.000-08:00

The phrase "Jumping the Shark" entered the vernacular when it was deemed that an episode of "Happy Days" involving the Fonz jumping a shark in an open water pen while on water skis marked the beginning of a rapid decline in both quality and ratings for the show. Now "Jumping the Shark" has come to mean the defining moment of decline in virtually anything.

In the political arena some issues Jump the Shark as soon as they approach the runway. The whole silly issue of Obama's birth certificate was one such issue.

At this point the primary people pushing the issue have gone so gonzo so fast that it's hard to imagine that the claims being made went through a preliminary phase of being almost (but not quite) sane.

After the Supreme Court decided not to hear the case of one Leo Donofrio of New Jersey, challenging Obama's U.S. citizenship, all the stops came out among the wingnuts pursuing this crusade.

In a particularly funny flight of fancy one Bob Schulz of the "We the People" foundation suggested that if Obama didn't end this crisis (presumably by stepping down) Schulz would call a "constitutional convention".

As unlikely as this might seem I'm looking forward to hearing the details of the constitution of the new nation of Wingnuttia.

Introduction

2008-12-08T16:31:00.000-08:00

My name is Phineas Bounderby. I'm from the Kingdom of Ozymandias, and I'm visiting the states to do research into a common species known as wingnutus crackpotus (the Common Wingnut), and am occasionally turning my attention to its closely related cousin the wingnutus dingbatus.

Many of my colleagues doubt the usefulness of this research, as the Common Wingnut seems to have lost a great deal of territory in the past few years. But one thing I've discovered about the wingnut is that it's highly resilient and energetic. In 2006 I witnessed a flock of wingnuts dive headlong into an active volcano. It was only a minor setback for the wingnut population as a whole though. Within a few weeks the population had grown to its full strength, and was screeching, yammering, and gibbering away as if the catastrophe had never occured.

I hope you'll find my research not only useful, but fun. Because Wingnuts are hilarious animals, and their antics keep me amused for many hours. While I wouldn't exactly describe them as intelligent, they can be surprisingly clever and resourceful, and they are always fun to watch if one approaches the research in the correct spirit.

I hope these short articles will give you insight into the antics of the wingnut. While the life of the wingnut may often seem to revolve around pointless activity alternating between the repetitive and the erratic, there are quite a few patterns which recur, and observing wingnuts can be educational both for the professional researcher and for the layperson.